ONE OF THE challenges of freelance life is workflow: there’s a temptation to say “yes” to every project that comes along because of the fear that saying “no” means they won’t ask you again. But then you have to be able to juggle all the various commitments that come together at the same time.

That headache has been exacerbated for me recently by some slow-moving gigs. Material I need to work with hasn’t arrived within the timeframe I had anticipated, meaning it’s all going to come in a rush in the not-too-distant future. I foresee some ultra-busy days ahead.

While that’s caused a certain amount of frustration about how everything will get done in time, there’s been another surprising result. I’ve found it hard to deal with the unexpected downtime I’ve been afforded because what I have needed hasn’t arrived yet.

You might think I’d have taken the opportunity to do some developmental reading or reflective thinking, or even simply kick back for a while. I’ve tried, but for the most part, I have found myself instead just doing busy work—things that make me feel like I am accomplishing something, when I’m really not. Spinning my wheels.

As I have reflected on this, I’ve realized there is something deeper going on than just dealing with deadlines. This slowdown has been forcing me to think more deeply about my sense of identity.

I’ve never considered myself to be a workaholic. I enjoy what I do (for the most part), get satisfaction from doing it to the best of my abilities, and don’t mind having to—at times—work hard and long. But I don’t believe any of that makes up all or even the most important part of who I am, as a follower of Jesus.

However, I have recognized that part of me feels a little guilty for not having work at hand; that somehow, I haven’t “earned” the good life I enjoy. This isn’t a reflection of the freely-given grace in which I claim to live.

I’m reminded of the words that came from heaven when Jesus was baptized: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). The Father expressed His satisfaction with Jesus before He had done anything. That’s true for me—and you—too.

We can never do anything to earn His affection. We can only choose to receive it. So, while this slow period has been frustrating, it’s also been something of a gift in disguise. I just need to be willing to unwrap it.