Writer, editor, stumbler after Jesus

Twenty years, ten questions

Having studied American history and government pretty diligently for my citizenship interview, the questions were a bit of a disappointment, to be honest. Was I a member of a terrorist organization, and how many stripes were there on the original flag?


It’s been several years since my American-earning “no” and “thirteen” (and a couple of other equally demanding responses to questions I have forgotten), and two decades since I first arrived. The red, white, and blue of the Union Jack are now intermingled with that of the Stars and Stripes.


Much as I have grown to love the land of opportunity that has become the birthplace of my grandchildren, there are a few things I still don’t get. So in honor of my twenty years, here affectionately are ten questions…


  • A guy, a desk, a bunch of guests promoting their latest thing like it’s 1985: what’s the big deal with late-night television?

  • And while we’re talking TV, has anybody ever really bought anything from those midnight infomercials?

  • Shouldn’t we admit that driving round the block and parking without hitting anything is really a steering test, not a driving test?

  • Also auto-related: those blinky things on the outer corners of your vehicle are called indicators…could you try using them, occasionally?

  • Am I being picky when I observe that in my homeland (and most other places, for that matter), when the word “world” is used (as in baseball series), it usually means more than a couple of other countries?

  • My deep admiration for the Constitution notwithstanding, doesn’t the fact that it has Amendments mean that it’s not quite on a par with Scripture?

  • Given that the build-up to Christmas now starts in August, couldn’t we at least see out December 25 before declaring the season over?

  • With the UK’s population now around 60 million, what makes you think I know the one person you have met from there?

  • When did singing the national anthem at a public event become an elaborate, tonsil-twisting audition-tape opportunity, rather than a simple honor?

  • And finally: I’m intrigued how a statement gets turned into a question when you start to let your voice go up in the last few words?




2 Responses to “Twenty years, ten questions”

  1. Bonnie Whitaker

    Andy- you crack me up! I have lived all my 65 years here, and I still have many of the same questions you do! Glad you’re an American, though- miss seeing you.


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